This whole motherhood thing may just be the hardest thing I've ever done. Not for the normal reasons you would think either. For the first time in my life, I have to be completely unselfish and think only of my baby and put her needs first (that is if I can figure those needs out). My needs do not count, Ben's needs do not count....only Hazel's. It sounds horrible, but damn! It's hard! For (almost) 30 years, I've done what I want, when I wanted and now....it's no longer that way. Starting off motherhood full of hormones, without any clue as to what you're doing and being alone with only a tiny two week old baby is one hell of an introduction to being a mom. As I sit here and get teary-eyed for no apparent reason (well, no reason other than I am sleep deprived, hungry, unshowered and super emotional) and wonder what the hell I was thinking and missing my old life, my friends, my alone time with Ben...I look over and see the cutest little girl sleeping in her boppy pillow (okay, I know that some of you out there are going to be like DO NOT let your baby sleep in that pillow...but it's the only way I can get her to sleep instead of being held) and realize she's my daughter. My baby. Mine and Ben's baby...and I break down again, but this time because I have never loved anything so much before. Through all the tears and lack of sleep, when I think I don't know how I'm going to get through another night...she stops and looks up at me with the cutest little smile. I just melt. Makes me forget everything selfish going through my head.