Let's just add some more things to my TO DO list

I have this GIANT list of things to do and things to get before so-called baby decides to join our party of two. Ben and I have been slowly whittling away on it every day. We've been doing a really great job so far, I think. Christine has been a huge help around the house. Kari was here last week and basically set up and organized the closet, the shelves and hung up pictures in the baby room. Ben's been doing so many things around the house as well. Me, I've been cleaning. A lot. I believe this is called "nesting". Yup, I'm nesting. I have this huge sense of urgency to get everything and anything done right now, this minute, it has to be finished and perfect because the baby could come any minute. WHEW! Breathe, Molly. Breathe.

I still haven't packed my bag yet..haven't even printed the "list" of what I'm supposed to pack yet. All I keep hearing from everyone is to pack your bag early. Better get on that one.

So last week when my daycare provider that I had lined up decided to tell me a month before I have my child that she is going back to work instead of doing daycare, I freaked. Flipped. Cried. Got sick. Got very upset to say the least. I was overwhelmed at the thought of having to now start looking for daycare only a few months before I would need to use daycare...considering how when I started looking in JANUARY most places were already booked out until January of 2010. This wasn't just something to add to my list, this was something that would move all other things aside on the list and become first priority. A BIG DEAL. Again, breathe.

It just got me thinking about how the whole daycare thing scares me. I don't even have this child yet and the thought of having to leave her in the hands of someone else EVERYDAY who will get to see her longer than I will EVERYDAY is killing me. I wish that I made enough money that would not require me to ever have to work again (yah, not sure how it's possible to make money so you don't have to work. Any ideas?) so I wouldn't have to leave her. Ever. I just feel like I'm going to have a baby that I never see because I'm gone from 7 am until almost 6 pm everyday. It just is making me really sad. What if I miss all the important things she does first because I'm at work? The thought of having a stranger (i.e. daycare provider) getting to see her first smile (not from pooping), the first time she crawls or walks, or any of those big milestones babies have kills me.

Guess we need to add Daycare to the list now.